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Thursday, June 28, 2012


I was alone at home.......
Nobody was anywhere around.......
T'was a perfectly nice day........ 
Yet something was wrong.......
Something was amiss......
What was it?
What was it????

The gas was on.......
The lighter not working.......
My vain attempts to light the stove......
The fire was finally lighted......
My heart heaved a sigh of relief.......
Yet something was wrong.......

I went to my room......
Put on the TV........
Sat down to eat......
A fly had come to share my space.....
I shooed it away.....
My heart trembled....
Something was wrong......

I went to the kitchen again....
To dispose of the remnants of my food.........
I came out........
I shrieked with fear.......
What did I see???
Why did I scream????
Yes something was indeed wrong!!!!!

The creature was looking at me with alacrity......
Yeah, she had the urge to jump at me........
But she didn't, 
But thankfully, nothing was wrong as I expected.....
Why she was just a green eyed,
black furred, black cat!!!!!!!!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Black horse

Saw a beautiful black horse,
stomping her feet in pride,
up and about in Meade's hollow
beautiful, shining mane ,
loftily moving, gaily neighing
loving every sight she sees
it seems....

Followed her for long,
admiring her attitude,
over the varying altitude,
I forgot my path,
long ago......

The black horse
is still moving,
towards oblivion
in my heart,
I forgot my path,
I still follow her,
to reach that dreamland,
where nobody's step,
ever dangled

A place,
mine and mine forever

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


In this scorching summer which has hit my country, India, all one would want to have is "a splash of water", remember the joy which we feel when suddenly a cool gale wind comes and you are confirmed of your suspicions, aye, its going to rain. (anyway monsoon is going to hit the tip of kerala this week so my adage is not that inappropriate), so when you read this poem, remember all the times you have had with water, that single drop everyone longs for, enjoy splashing!!!!!!! :D

splash of the water
why does my heart long for that splash of water,
which washes away all the dirt,
cleanses the whole body, 
with care
and nourishes me with vitamins and oils unknown

splash of water
why does my heart long for that splash of water,
plain water
water just nothing else, nothing of this 'mineral' nonsense
plain tap water
thats what I want 

splash of water 
why does my heart long for that splash of water,
water trickling down my eyes, my face, my soul,
refreshing me on its course of journey down to my feet
then leaving me
alone again

splash of water
why does my heart long for that splash of water,
why does it want to feel like that rose plant
which is watered everyday by my mother
cheered everyday on its existence

splash of water,
why does my heart long for that splash of water
why does it feels like the rose plant,
dancing in rhythmical circles
on the tune of the water shower,
shivering like a shimmy artist,

splash of water 
why does my heart long for that splash of water 
which will wash my corroded heart
somehow get rid of this rust
which has deposited deep inside,
penetrated without permission

Thursday, May 10, 2012


I have not written a new post for a very long time because I was thinking What to write when life has given me so many subjects to write upon, to think upon, to brood upon.Well I wont bore anybody today. Today My friend Kirti who gave a good enough reason to post an entry, has given me an award. An award I will cherish forever. I sincerely thank her for giving me this award,
And now I would write away very very quickly the 7 random facts about me:::

1. I am a heavily confused girl!!!! (I know all of u know that, what with my blogs title LOL) Chance given I can turn down a good request even if it is good for me if I have a confusion and doubt about it 

2. Secondly, I love reading BOOKS and listening to melodious, mellifluous instrumental MUSIC by A.R. RAHMAN, SHANKAR TUCKER, YANNI, RAVI SHANKAR, VANESSA MAE, and god knows how many more. I love vocals as well and love VISHAL SHEKHAR'S music sense and SHANKAR EHSAAN LOY MUSIC. Perfectly Indie isn't it. A new favourite is Anand Bhate, who has got a amazing classical voice. Looks like I am lost again in the world of music................

3. My third love is that I love doing experiments. Once I tried to melt some chocolate in the oven so that I can coat a nice biscuit with hot chocolate, and the whole vessel got charred. I gave my mother a good surprise that day, haha LOL. Also I did a project on nanotechnology, where I prepared nano CuO and grew bacteria and tested its effect on them. Dear me they all died!!!!

4. Most girls hate earthworms and lizards but I love them, I had a pet earthworm for a day and I studied how it looks like, well I left it after a day.... I love garden lizards, they are so innocent!!!!

5. I love talking a lot ( you can see it) and I hate talking to hypocrites and meanies.

6. I like actresses like Vidya Balan(especially in kahaani and paa), konkona sensharma, julia roberts. Among actors I like Amir khan (love 3IDIOTS and Taare zameen par) and Ranbir Kapoor(in rocket singh, rockstar).

7. A very essential fact: I can express myself the best when I am with a scrap of paper and a good pen. I can write, sketch and doodle away my feelings. The pen by far is my best friend.

I want to dedicate awards to my friends:::
Uma Di: For starting a blog which inspired me to do the same and for being a good sister!!!
Kirti: for providing me with loads of good advice on blog and of course for being a good friend and encourager!!!!
J2: for writing an immensely good blog and also for helping me on copyright issues!!!

Thanks to alllllll

will post  more

signing off for now!!!


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Life is Beautiful....Again

A very amateurish poem, by me, 
very funny format I have thought of  is in every alternate stanza after the usual Life is beautiful I have one then two then three, then four lines and so on. A very simple poem but this is what I feel like at the moment. Enjoy!!!

Life is Beautiful
When I see that fluttering butterfly

Life is Beautiful, 
When I see the smile of my baba and maa,

Life is Beautiful
When I realise
I don't have to take revenge on anybody

Life is Beautiful
When I feel I don't have any twisted lover

Life is Beautiful
When I know 
That I am free 
once again

Life is Beautiful
When I have true friends around me

Life is Beautiful
I am happy
My world is happy
in spite of all the hassles
they have to face.

Life is Beautiful
When the sun
keeps a doting watch
on all of us

Life is Beautiful
When I realise that people love me truly

Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Rain

The Drop,
trickling down the roof top,
over my nose,
along the ridges,
as if from a pipe, hose
Above my lip,
And between the nose,
Going to rip,
me apart,
from the heart,
to my part last.

The Drop,
trickling down through the leaftop,
over my eyes,
towards my cheek,
mixing with my own tears,
as if from a shower head,
with only two holes.....


Held in a Powercut
Rain toppling over my roof,
The familiar 'tup taap',
'Tup taap', speeded up in this kalbaishakhi,
amidst all this confusion,
this wind fusion,
you remind me of July,
and I am reminded of you,
of all what is reminiscent of you,
I remember your smile,
that explosive laugh,
The broadest grin,
those popping eyes,
out in awe of the world,
skimming through pages,
racing through sums and algorithms,
and snorting at once when disturbed,

Now what??
you disturbed us now,
disturbed our motion,
stirred our slept emotions,

Our pace was always decided by the time,
But now for a moment,
just a moment,
you decided our pace...........

You stopped us...
From moving....

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

This event happened on 8th April. but due to some reason I couldnt post it.::

Yesterday night after having yet another irritable day, and a joyous Pune Warriors India win in the IPL, just when I was about to sleep, I checked my cell. The sms I was just watching was conveying a news which I would have never expected to see in my whole life. My friend Ankita had just messaged " Ipsi... janis kal ratre ATISH na SUICIDE koreche."

All Bengali words seemed to sink and the only word which seemed to appear before my eyes in big bold letters was SUICIDE. The news seemed to be utter rubbish to me, felt like somebody was cracking a belated April fool joke on me, as if it was all just a joke, just a cruel joke. After consequent texting my friend assured me it was not a joke, not a joke. Really one of my erstwhile classmates in Kharagpur had committed suicide and now was not in this world anymore. My mind jumped into the flashback mode at once....

"Atish and I had very long associations. We had studied together in the same school from class 2 onward and since then I had remembered him as a guy with the thunderous laughs, something like Irene's explosions of the Malory towers fame; googly eyes and broad grin. Then he turned into a serious person with a seriously brilliant mind who had qualified several mathematics Olympiads... a maths gizmo.He was my competitive rival in school. We had long discussions in the English class. We loved intellectual talks. Till class tenth I was there and both of us passed out with good marks and then our paths diverted. I came to this new city and he was there in my old city, studying in that old school which I had left. Since then I had no news about him. neither he contacted me nor I had cared to. If only I had........"

Tears brimmed into my eyes. My heart simply ached and I was in utter shock as well as surprise. Then followed a sleepless night midst disturbing thoughts, scary thoughts. Only one question: WHY????? I never asked how, when, who, what. Just that one question Why???? It seemed to ring in my mind for hours on end. then came some possible answers:
Maybe he was stressed with his studies and high aims and hopes which he had from life or Maybe it was something to do with defeat- the fear of defeat- the fear of facing defeat. But WHY on earth would someone be afraid of defeat when he/she hasn't even faced the battle, when one is completely sure of victory, of sure shot victory..

To think that I wont be able to see him smiling, laughing, getting angry, experimenting, studying again, ever again is extremely agonising and crippling. To think he will not be there when I will be going to kharagpur to see my school a last time ............

ATISH wherever you are, whatever you do, we will always be waiting for you with a longing heart......
Wish you had not done what you have done. Wish we could have compelled you to live and somehow instilled in you a love for life. I am so sorry for you........

The Unfinished Business

“I was thinking about him……….again. Life has been quite a happy place for me; what with caring parents and doting friends, my safest confidantes I could have wished for. Life has given me nearly everything which I have wished for ……yet again I have caught myself thinking, remembering all those moments we have cherished together, thinking yet about him, about those beautiful friendship we shared for two years, sadly the friendship which changed to infatuation and which culminated in the breakdown( breakup is too hollow a word, a breakup always results in a breakdown anyway..) we both suffered or maybe which only I suffered as I later came to know as he is a shameless Casanova all the same.
I knew I was right; right about his nature, right that he was a soul eating infernal monster who used girls for security and contentment. But still I was thinking about him. Why??? Because I still thought that he might have turned over a new leaf, he might have seriously liked me or for that matter ‘loved’ me or he might have changed completely. I still have no definite answer, no assurance, only questions which continually harangue me.........

It was the 6th day at the new school. After impressing nearly every teacher at the classes with intellect and having made 2-3 good friends and one perfect arguing rival: with whom I can easily start up an intellectual fight over any topic under the sun; I was quite contented with life. What else do I need? Doting teachers, fantastic studies, amazing projects, I had everything I had wished for... then this baddie breaks a bottle of Conc. H2SO4 bottle like an innocent laddie and the teacher goes on to insult this guy and thrash him. God knows what sympathies I felt for him and what feelings surged inside my heart and I went forward to offer my condolences to him as I felt the insults were unnecessary. Why had I to poke my nose in that matter?? I feel infuriating when I think of it now. Moreover, I extended a hand of friendship to him which he gladly accepted without any further qualms. Boys were not like that in my earlier city. They hesitated making friendship with girls. Girls are only acquaintances for them. I and this guy became good chat friends. From morning till night it was just 'him' that mattered, it was just him the whole day. I should have realized that it was not the same on the other side of the coin. he was just texting out of curiosity, no, more out of complacency I guess, the complacency with which he talked to girls, any girl, 10-15 girls at one time, Ria, Sia, Anushka, Manushka etc, etc, etc. He was one hell of a multitasker, never good at studies. Anyway who wanted him to be good at studies? Bored with tags of intellectuality with which I was always linked with, I hooked up with him gleefully. I wanted to badly come out of this intellectual shell. I should have known I was just another passerby in his life, as I was not pretty, beautiful yes, but not pretty, the uncorroded soul.

I couldn’t stand it any longer. I couldn’t take it any longer. I confessed. I blurted out my feelings for him. I told him straight away my straight feelings for him. The truth that I was madly in love with him. His answer was amazing. Guess what he said? Here’s it:
'Myra, my friend, I have a string of girls with me, I am so full of girls that I do not want any more of them. (As if I was like any of the girls he dated!!! LOL).'
 Nevertheless, To save Face, I said that it was all a practical dare joke I had played on him. He accepted my gibberish at its face value. We remained friends on paper. Only difference was that I was now behaving sarcastically and acrimoniously to him. Perhaps He understood, perhaps not. Perhaps He noticed, perhaps not. Maybe he was unentangling the knots and crosses of girls he dated. He started behaving extra sweet to me. Apart from momentary melt-downs, I remained as acrid as ever. But the ritual of texting continued.


One year later, when I had somehow managed to stop my craving heart from yearning for his love, his special attention, when I was focused on my goal, When I had realized my true worth, why he had to ruin my life and say those three most unstitching words? Why did he unzip my feelings again??? That too at 3 am in the morning, when I was dutifully studying??? I am ashamed to admit now, that I accepted his proposal and remained his unofficial girlfriend for 2 whole days, during which he poured those sweet little nothings; I had craved for like a love-sick animal.

But 2 days were enough for me to understand. Understand that he had run out of all the string of girls he had, and in desperation, yes out of desperation, he had proposed to me. So without any more thinking, giving my strong instincts the prime importance I told him that I did not trust him anymore. I told him that, maybe I don’t want him as a 'BOY-FRIEND, rather he was a 'BOY-FIEND" to me and that I wanted him as a FRIEND who was a BOY. I wanted to see whether he would plead to me, implore upon me for not leaving him. I wouldn’t have broken up if he would have done that, PROVE his love for me.

But he did not........ He said that it was okay with him, but underneath his muted tones could feel a deep sense of anger, an undercurrent of failure feeling. Yes I felt that... But left it at that....

Three months later, my suspicions were absolutely confirmed.  Was absolutely right about him, right just like the hundreds of MCQs, I was right about. That guy had checked out my best friend before proposing to me and had broken up with her only because he wanted to propose me.
I felt disgusted to the power of infinity. I was the object of pain for my best friend!!!! And this great soul never ever expressed her anger, her vexation. She never showed her broken heart to me. Yes she is a very good friend. One of the best I can ever have. 

But inside me there was an imbecile who resided in me and who diabolically made me think of him. He inflicted pain, I inflicted pain upon him, and my heart still pines for him. And it was a story of pain, endless pain.........

And I am still left with this unfinished business. He never talked to me again. He deleted my contact from his cell phone. I also deleted his in return....

But still feelings exist. My situation is best described in the above song.""

P.S: This is just a story inspired upon personal lines. I don't intend to hurt anyone's feelings. 

Saturday, March 31, 2012

In Confusoland, Landing firmly in Wickedomarsh

Again your favourite iridium landed in the Land full Of Mirages, I hope you never go there, the land of Confusions, the Confusoland. As if going there was not adequate enough, I landed beautifully in the marsh of marshes, the Wickedomarsh. I seriously hope no one goes there or lands there. The wish applies to both my friends and foes alike. Yet again I am here, and I don't like being here.........Confusions don’t leave my way and keep on haunting me like the ghouls in the blue moon night.I have filled up nearly all major forms for the two gorgon careers of medical and engineering etc.....Presumably the only two courses available in India, my country.But the thoughts spiral and spiral away, am I really interested in it?????Do I really want to don that yellow helmet with boldfaced "ultratech cement" embossed on it???Do I really want to be the girl in Beautiful salwar kameez, clad in a white coat and a Maoist muff, this time white instead of deep green, with a stetho in the shoulder and wishing "how do you do' to the patients??????  Many a times in my dreams, I have dreamt myself in a laboratory of some kind (I really don’t know which Chem., Phy or Bio; is it necessary to be that segregated???) And sometimes, during my conscious hours I have seen myself in an English class, gleefully skimming and gobbling my way through Macbeth and Keats together!!!! And at some other odd moments I have seen myself amidst small and big children, clad in a beautiful sari, looking smart and clean, spic and span, teaching the kids; sometimes science, sometimes English. In my unconscious moments, I see myself in a beautiful bluish gown, ready for a singing concert, enthralling the audience with my singing. Will it be fair if I ignore these dreams, times of sub consciousness and switch over to those horizons which I, sadly I have not even thought of???? My bourn vita is still under my nose, and the water is filling up, maybe just to stifle my voice forever..............

Friday, March 30, 2012

Life Is About Two Words

I wish I could disappear into wilderness, full of shrubs and herbs or somehow vanish in thin air along with my idealism. Its just that my utopian visions do not seem to fit in here, they are not a perfect match in this world. The world nowadays means only to make money, mint money, eat and bathe in money. All of it is about settlement. Just because earth settled with a climax species- the irreplaceable humans, will the world mean all about settlement, stagnant thoughts, stagnant dirty water, stagnant lives, moving yet static trains, aeroplanes, rockets, all of it in instantaneous differential picture frames????
My radical thoughts have no place in this world( have I really mentioned that?). The world my little eyes can see far and wide is only about two words. Only two words matter the most to people. The world seems to be obsessed with two words "medical" and "engineering". For everybody around me - save My ma and My Pa- have only two keywords for careers- "medical" and "engineering". Often I am asked by the numerous uncles and aunties and acquaintances I have met, "beta, what are you preparing for??? Medical Or Engineering???
I really do not understand or know for that matter whether these two words are the keywords all over India  or just in my own city.
Is there nothing worthwhile to think???
Am I also to be pinned down for these two lines (see not even areas, as limited as a line, just a join of points which leads you to the same path, same string,  there is no bifurcation, you can only get a break if you want to be snap out of it!!!)

I am literally tired with these wearisome thoughts. I hope at least one person answers me back in echo, support me and both of us in reverberate in the same pitch, united in thoughts.....................
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