This event happened on 8th April. but due to some reason I couldnt post it.::
Yesterday night after having yet another irritable day, and a joyous Pune Warriors India win in the IPL, just when I was about to sleep, I checked my cell. The sms I was just watching was conveying a news which I would have never expected to see in my whole life. My friend Ankita had just messaged " Ipsi... janis kal ratre ATISH na SUICIDE koreche."
Yesterday night after having yet another irritable day, and a joyous Pune Warriors India win in the IPL, just when I was about to sleep, I checked my cell. The sms I was just watching was conveying a news which I would have never expected to see in my whole life. My friend Ankita had just messaged " Ipsi... janis kal ratre ATISH na SUICIDE koreche."
All Bengali words seemed to sink and the only word which seemed to appear before my eyes in big bold letters was SUICIDE. The news seemed to be utter rubbish to me, felt like somebody was cracking a belated April fool joke on me, as if it was all just a joke, just a cruel joke. After consequent texting my friend assured me it was not a joke, not a joke. Really one of my erstwhile classmates in Kharagpur had committed suicide and now was not in this world anymore. My mind jumped into the flashback mode at once....
"Atish and I had very long associations. We had studied together in the same school from class 2 onward and since then I had remembered him as a guy with the thunderous laughs, something like Irene's explosions of the Malory towers fame; googly eyes and broad grin. Then he turned into a serious person with a seriously brilliant mind who had qualified several mathematics Olympiads... a maths gizmo.He was my competitive rival in school. We had long discussions in the English class. We loved intellectual talks. Till class tenth I was there and both of us passed out with good marks and then our paths diverted. I came to this new city and he was there in my old city, studying in that old school which I had left. Since then I had no news about him. neither he contacted me nor I had cared to. If only I had........"
Tears brimmed into my eyes. My heart simply ached and I was in utter shock as well as surprise. Then followed a sleepless night midst disturbing thoughts, scary thoughts. Only one question: WHY????? I never asked how, when, who, what. Just that one question Why???? It seemed to ring in my mind for hours on end. then came some possible answers:
Maybe he was stressed with his studies and high aims and hopes which he had from life or Maybe it was something to do with defeat- the fear of defeat- the fear of facing defeat. But WHY on earth would someone be afraid of defeat when he/she hasn't even faced the battle, when one is completely sure of victory, of sure shot victory..
To think that I wont be able to see him smiling, laughing, getting angry, experimenting, studying again, ever again is extremely agonising and crippling. To think he will not be there when I will be going to kharagpur to see my school a last time ............
ATISH wherever you are, whatever you do, we will always be waiting for you with a longing heart......
Wish you had not done what you have done. Wish we could have compelled you to live and somehow instilled in you a love for life. I am so sorry for you........
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